Sadest week of my life

I have to say, i have never work so hard to fall so flat on my face. Im crushed, disassembled, and lost to explain how this weekend have gone so far. Everyone is so on track. And me? im just a former shell of myself. Conquered, foiled, and crumbling. People say you make your own luck. Well as of late, luck has been taken away from me. Prayer and hope are all a false since of security that blinded me in the past. Hard work do not equal success, its just another false since. I guess everything happens for a reason, and in some since maybe there is something greater that will happen to me in the future. But for right now, i feel as if i had fallen to the every lasting grip of darkness and dispair, deeply thinking in my mind that maybe im wrong about hope and prayer. So far, it doesnt look like the end is in site, nor am i wrong about this dispair that im feeling towards life right now. NEVER IN MY LIFE HAVE I FELT SO ALONE IN THE DARK! LET MY SOUL BE HUMBLED

Under pressure

Things are starting to creep up on me in life. I have to good on these finals, (despite studying my ass off i got a damn 76 on my test). Im moving into a new apartment in which i need to find a decent paying job. I need to get these classes out the way for graduation. And to top it off, i have to get a great l sat score to help pay for law school. My gurlfriend is going on her intership this summ\er. She is busy these days, and although i do respect the effort she put in to spend time with me; it seemed we didnt bond this weekend honestly. It happens and understand, so i just let it be and be happy with just seeing her. My friend is going through so things, and its bothering me that i cant do shit to help her. I tend not to answer my phones have the time because im going to here the samething. "You should leave your gurlfriend, I can treat you better". ARE THEY STUPID. I KNOW IM NOT! My mom pressure to get things done, and i then give advice to my baby cousin about college. ( Im happy she is growing up faster than me). Everyone has this pressure that i will do something great. CAN I? We will see in these coming years if i can handle the pressure.

Dreaming

Just the other day i saw a corina comercial where it was pitch black at the beach, and it was clear. As the moonlight passed over the beach, all there was left was the imprint of foots heading to the water. I been to the beach at night just once, and sadly it was pitch black with no moonlight. I had to use a flashlight. But one day i want to go the beach when the moon is full, and the beach is bright. From time to time, i drive to the beach to disregard my problems, and enjoy the finer things in life. But just once i want to go at night under the moonlight. I really do care if im alone or not (prolly would pefer to have some company), lay on the beach and watch the moonlight glicin of the water. For right now i can only dream about it. Im interested to hear the noises that occur at night in the beach. (the animals not the humans). Talking about a place heavenly on earth, for right now thats about the closest thing to heaven. Anything can happen there but again its only i dream right.

The less time spend the more love grows

So its been a while since i been on here, but that passion has returned. So this time i want to talk about something i realized. I want to talk about my baby. Its interesting because she said she would change, and she did. How lovely. She loves me that much to make a change for our relationship. The more I see her, the more immense I become in her. Sometimes I just stare into her eyes just because i find her whole demeanor just sexy. Wow, never felt like this before (is this true love). I know i be acting selfish, but my selfishness is for her; for me to be with her. This past weekend taughted me something. More time i away from her, the more I yearn for her. Even though im in love with her, i learned that the time apart creates greater love for her. So what i try to do is let her have her freedom some. Its hard, but its something that i feel its benifical. Baby im not saying to break up. NOOOOOOOOO I WOULD NEVA DO THAT! Love becomes stronger when you realize how much you actually miss that person. This pass weekend showed that. So im going to work not to question her actions because afterwards my love is just going to grow stronger for her. I Love you baby.