Part 2

Now I am looking towards the future. Realize I cant look towards the past for my future. So I guess I have no choice but to start from a clean slate. I havent been single like this since 2006, and it is an unusual thing. My parents told me not to rush. ( I am going to heed them). More free than ever. ( Even though I would like one) People move to fast. It could lead to mistakes, heartbreak. Its ironic. When I am in one, everyone is single, but when I am out of one everyone is taken or involved. Now I guess its time to get to work, and get out of this state. I see that Florida is not the place for me. I need to get to Texas... or where ever GOD might take me. I see many of my friends getting married. We all got into a relationship at the same time, yet I am the only one who couldnt make it last more than two months. I am developing a family in Florida though. Its lovely and they are the only ones who happen to cheer me up. The time is now.... need to do what I need to do to leave this place and disappear!

Part 1 Influx of thoughts

Due to popular demand j/k. But the end of year is coming and I am not where I want to be yet. Im working on it. My thoughts that I had January 1st have disappeared by Thanksgiving. To be honest, I was hoping i was married by now and surprise my parents. The plan was set in June. I guess it was not meant to be married yet. The LSAT turned out to be harder than I thought, so whenever I have time, I am going to lock myself in the room for a couple of months. I heard that what it takes to be successful on the LSAT. I have seen two GF dissappear this year.Which really I wasnt expecting one to dissappear. I have heard things at the end of the year where people were suprised to hear or see. My trust has disappeared, and become harder to obtain. Also find myself wanting to go to the gun range, going to hookah bar and taking chances. More so I am living a more adventurous life. I know how it feels to be treated like crap in a true relationship. In a way that relationship taughted me to forgive because anger can always get you in trouble. I seem to be causing a lot of problems as of late. My ex believes that I am trying to hook up with her sister. As much as I tell her thats not the truth..... she refused to believe me or her sister. I would like to be friends with her, but it doesnt look as if that going to happen. I find forgiveness alot easier these days ( thanks to Arteria) . It what I use to do my freshman year. I need to get back into that thought. I have seen a couple of friends come out and told me they liked me. One was more wierd than the other but at the end I had to let that go. As of late I had to put my emotions on the backburner and start using my brain more often. I understand why Danni wants to wait for her next bf. I understand her thoughts. Thinking of all the mistakes I made with both Bri and Arteria. Lol my mom was right. I got to start listening to her.

Part 1

Running through my mind

First I would like to smile and say thank you, because a chapter has been closed in my life. Time to moving on and learn from my mistakes. Some concepts has been going through my head as of late. Both my mom and I were discussing the wants and needs of women. What would it take for a man to keep a woman, and at the same time keep himself happy? Its a difficult question to answer. People in gerneral have few needs in a relationship, yet most of the time people confused needs and wants. I know I have been guilty of that. (Sorry Bri) Many wants outwiegh others needs; which is not a good concept at all. So I compared the times i was happy, to the times was down. All of my ex's always stated (parapharse) " What about what I want Kerry?" I would always get mad about that statement, but again it is a statement that is true. In a sense if it is something "you" wanted then you should get it. That i can't get mad about, but the problem always arises when I do not want to be apart of that thought proccess. This is where the relationship always ends. One of them peacefully, and two of them in a war. I guess I think like my dad " Why should I stay to try to meet your wants, if you CANNOT even think about my needs." I guess that is why dad says what he says about women I date. Even though I can't go to his extremes, I do agree with his statement. The two relationship ended in war mainly because the lack of support against that thought proccess. I mean why would a man leave if they cared for you like they said they did, regardless of what they might have did. Its true. It also leaves the choice of staying the relationship and being depressed, or leave and have them hate you for it. Tough decision!
This leaves me to my second concept. A friend of mine explained the concept of destiny. " You know that is the person you want to spend the rest of you life with, but you cannot be with that person just yet" I was stunned by those words. Especially when it came from her. She loves that man more than anyone in the world. I used this concept to justify i few choice words that was said to me. "Kerry you are the guy i want to spend the rest of my life with, I just need you to be patient. I am going through a transitional phase" I never did get that statement untill my friend told me the destiny quote. I asked Elise about it, and she said her x told her the samething. "How long was I suppose to wait?" Asked my x about it, and she didnt seem to fond by that thought process. I agree with her. More than likely it was a concept Arteria was practicing. She wasnt sure, but i helped her make her decision. Interesting enough... the one think that could have fueled that thought was the friendship between my x and I. I thought deeper in this concept and hypothesised that maybe Rachelle practiced that thought too. Damn. Although this time I am on the other side of this equation. I beleive it is selfish to think that way, and will try to look for it in the future. I always tell her to stay and work it out with her bf (who hopefully she will marry one day). She sees him differently than i do, but only she knows whats best for her. I would not want to get in a relationship if I knew it would be temporary. Its not a thought shared by all people though. My mom compared dating to game of chess. You predict what move the person is going to make, and then make your moving accordingly. If you do not agree or like the person move, you step back. On the otherhand if that person move is to your liking, you persue.