Lost in Time, Lost in Action, Lost in Thought

These days I don't know who to trust. Well lets be honest...... there are a few people I can trust, but when love and lust is involved its a dangerous situation. I might have lost two friends to that idea. I want to save them from what is going to happen, but sometimes people do not want to be saved. I been under a lot of criticism. Its like people view me as a lier. WTF???? I tried to help you, and you go do that. I am under a lot of scrutany. I should have listen to my parents and stayed out of it. Did I listen...... NO. Because maybe my friends would do that to me, but I understand what I must do. Drop it, and dont give no information or opinion. Lesson learned.
Im lost with Bri right now. Maybe I thought I knew her, but it seems like the more i talk to her, the more she is like a total stranger to me. Might as well say " Hi my name is Kerry, what yours bonita?" She says things to make me jealous. AND I HATE IT! But again if we not together then its no use of getting mad about it. Lol i try to explain what I want...... but im starting to realize its not what she wants. Im dunce sometimes. On top of that i feel that i become an annoyance to her, even though she says that I not. I think I am annoying a lot people these days. Feel like i am annoying Michelle and Brianna. So I am going to stop texting or calling. Bryan annoyed with me, how interesting. Doyin is annoying me, so i will not be calling or text her. All this tension building. Wow! Let me get out of here.
One of my homeboys is experiencing love. He feels that he is not ready for love, but love is ready for him. In the car he told me how it began. She had her friends keep him occupied while she prepared for his surprised. When the time was right, she called him and let him know she had a surprised for him. When he came to the house, he smelled the dinner, and she was dressed down. I smiled because i could imagine the look on his face. She fixed his plate, poured some wine and ate a beautiful dinner. He was wowed by what she done, but she was not done. After dinner she oiled him down and gave him a massage. At that moment, he knew that she was a keeper. Its amazing how lucky some people are. Maybe one day I would get that kind of treatment, or maybe i might treat them like that. Its surprises like that which win a man's heart. Man....................... thats the kinda thing i want to give to my girlfriend/wife. Its just sad I cannot do that right now, or experience that type of treatment. PATIENT MR. MOORE YOUR TIME WILL COME! ................... I will wait for time, but the question is will time wait for me?


In the words and action of Kerry Alfred Moore JR

Michelle / Valarie

August 17, 2008, a special day for one of the people I care about, comes and i find out i needed to tie some loose ends. At first I was honestly mad at her because i truely wanted her to be my wife. I just needed to see a commitment. But maybe I wasnt clear in my words, or statements. Or maybe she just choose her own happiness at the end. 99.9% of the time people would make that choice. On the other hand .1% that chooses to stay is stupid. Lol but that .1% ends up being your husband or wife. It just shows that commitment towards a relationship and qualities you can build on in the future. Two things happen today that im glad happen. Well first she told me she kissed another guy. That took a lot of guts, and i respect her for that. Second she made the decision for her happiness. It might have took a lot to drag out, but at the end I m glad she made the decision for happiness. Ironically her decision made me happy, because we closed up the uncertainty. I think for the first time, the idk became the words yes or no. At the end of choosing her happiness, she allowed to have mine. Beleive it or not I was willing, and sacraficing my happiness for her because thats how much i loved her. The thing is could she do it for me when that time came? In my mind i was willing to wait to see, but she couldnt go out and have her fun and have me too. That would just make me jealous, lets face it. Although i did break up with her the key word was commitment. Ultimately she did make a commitment, and that was to herself. She is a wonderful, intellegent, goal driven woman who will go far in life, but on 08/17/08 at the age of 21. She decided not to be MY phenomenal woman. And i completely understand, because at the end who would want to go through all that stress accept Kerry Alfred Moore II honestly. Well im still searching for that woman.
On a different note, it opened up new ideas. Her mom and my dad are right in this case. They each gave us the advice not to be to serious. Im just naturally a serious person and like to be in a serious committed relationship, which leads me to my next chapter. A friend of mine started to develop feelings for me, but once again she is confused. She dont whether she wants a relationship now or not. As a twenty year old guy, I can ready bullshit, but this time I think her state of mind is legit. She feels my homeboy a lil, which is natural because every single gurl does, but she actually came to me and said "I love you..." Which shocked me and completed with "more than you will ever know." I treated her as if she was danni. I will do anything for danni, and will do just as much for her. At first I always thought that i would get back with my X. Even after that incident, but GOD works in mysterious ways. Closed up one chapter, and has me wondering about another chapter. Maybe my X did get a little jealous every time i mentioned her name, but on the hand i talked about my x more than i did about her. Mainly it was for advice because she is intellegent and we talk on that level. What attracts me to her is her motherly adidtude. She takes care of everyone she loves. Its something I watch out for when I do see people. Took care of bryan, took care of danni, and EVEN COOKED FOR ME WHEN I WAS SAD. I almost cried when she did that. Thats what good friends are for right? So honestly if the family likes you, then im going to naturally like you and try to take care of you. The question is will she be willing to make a commitment? A lot of woman that I HANG AROUND don't. I hope not that necessarily she an exception ( that would be nice) but i just hope that i will find that exception. I mean who knows, she could become my childs god mother, or she could be my future wife. It just leaves me to be curious, yet in patient.

Just want to mention happy birthday Brianna, and celebrate your 21st birthday like it is your only!

Today im here looking at the jar of money i saved. Im still saving for the same cause, yet I dont know who I am saving it for........................ time will tell

Kerry's Tears of Blood

Cry and cry and cry. Let me cry those bloody tears of mine. Heaven here on earth is dead, and don't want to live here any more. Hardaches and sacrafice gets only worse results. If someone would kill me today. I would only smile as a bleed to death. This world is cruel and has no remorse for my heart. The devil lurks inside of me, but only people can see the actions of God when I make them smile. Before that devil destroys my soul, please kill me. I was once happy, but now the thundrstorms reign in my sky, with nothing there to rescue me from these hardaches. I find my bright eyes has became dark and dim. My once bright smile now shows rotten teeth. My youthful skin has wrinkled. Death has risen upon me. The darkest days lie ahead where I only can cry tears of Blood

The ghost of her past

Things a different these days. The group has became larger, im stressing more, and making more sacrafice. On the other hand I have had some memorable moments. I was able to to see two beautiful things this week that i normally would not see. When that happens it always allow me to think about my life. I realize that I am on the downfall. I compare this events to the ides of March when Julius Ceasar was warned about the future. He did not listen. I usually take my dreams seriously but this time I was told not to worry about it. Mistake. Now i lost my happiness, and she slows starts to forget about me. My second dream came true yesterday, and now im waiting for that final dream to come true. The only thing about these dreams is that i can do nothing about it. I only can watch like a helpless spectator. Just a thought..... maybe Brianna is right. Words may not say it. And this time its not actions. Its just her adiditude towards this who idea. It makes me wonder. She always says its her fault and she needs to work on somethings, but nothing gets worked on. Newsflash says maybe its MYSELF to blame for whats going on here. I need to better myself to make gurls even think im worth there time. Damn i sound desperate! I was always told to be myself, and don't change who you are. LOL FUCK THAT! That idea don't work in 2008, at least not for women in Tallahassee. It is a lost art for women just like chilvery for men. I feel my heart is going colder and colder. Everytime i try, I do something wrong. I FAIL. Effort is not enough. Sometimes sacrafice is not even either. Words action and thoughts cannot dictated fate. I find myself looking and her profiles and realize I am just a ghost! So as hard it is not to call or text her . August 13, 2008 was my last time talking to her (besides her birthday). Deep down inside i do beleive she is past me and the famous response is "if thats how you feel" She has showed me nothing else or told me nothing else to let me know what is up. Sigh.

Cold hearted

I been told a lot of things over the past two and a half weeks. Some of them good and some of them bad. But i been told what i wanted to be told, and not what a i need to hear. People always tell me the dont know. People are confused. Im not sure. These things are all familar in my life. I ve been told that more as of late, but some changed. I started to think and figure. Momma didnt raise no fool, or did she? I get the message! I get the FUCKING MESSAGE! Please excuse my language in this one. I can be retareded and slow sometimes, so it takes me a while to put 2 and 2 together. HAHAHA feel like eminem when he gets crazy. Im just on the edge! I'm ready to scrap, ready to argue, i am not myself i admit. Hummm, good morning detroit, good evening life, and good night hope. I am realizing the donwfall of Kerry Alfred Moore II. I m crazed, deranged and now will keep to myself. This is not a knock towards any one but me. Honestly i want to look back 15 years from now, and laugh for my stupidity. I remember i was my own best friend ( besides GOD). I now trust no gurl, cant put them before my homeboys. There still here, they arent. Crazy huh! HAHAHAHAHA. But on a serious note, i hate myself. I hate you Kerry Alfred Moore. I been told that this week, and you know what i agree. All I can say is you win!



In the crazy thoughts and ideas of KAM!!

Kerry Alfred Moore Jr. vs. Kerry Alfred Moore II

It must be one of these nights i decided to look at her profile. I was thinking of the good times and the bad times. I been thinking of the positive, and been thinking of the negative. I think of my life with her and i think of my life without her. Its crazy because my mind is in this delimma. What should I do? Should I wait and hope, or should i move on? Both are taking a toll on my happiness. I find myself teder todering through possibilities. I look on her profile and slowly notice that I am disappearing out of her life. Were our memories shallow? Were they real? Maybe they died when i said " I think we should be friends." I cant tell if your happier with me or without me. Sometimes i wonder did I make the right decision. I find myself in a constant quagmire with myself. One wants to be with her, the other wants to give her the space she needs. The only thing they agree on is that they want to achieve that happiness that she deserve. As time pass, it seems that her happiness does not include Kerry Alfred Moore II. Not in her favorites, not in her mind. So we enter the eleventh hour with no hope in site. Dreams dashed, no longer deferred but deterred. Just leaving me lonely, lost only in a though, and fading reality. No longer your love, but just another friend that you have and will probably lose contact and interest in. A deterred dream huh! She only hears the bad side. The negative side. the side of Kerry Alfred Moore II. If only i could remind her about the past. But i cant because i can't remember myself. She has lost that flame for me, and now it cant be replaced. I wish her happiness for the future. Lost in the mind, thoughts, and ideas of Kerry Alfred Moore II.



Thoughts in the mind of Kerry Alfred Moore Jr

A Familar Song

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I never dreamed you'd leave in summer I thought you would go then come back home I thought the cold would leave by summer But my quiet nights will be spent alone You said there would be warm love in springtime That is when you started to be cold I never dreamed you'd leave in summer But now I find myself all alone You said then you'd be the life in autumn Said you'd be the one to see the way You know I never dreamed you'd leave in summer But now I find my love has gone away Why didn't you stay? In the Thoughts and Mind of KAM II