Friday, April 3, 2009
Thursday, April 2, 2009
Im loving the rain right now, I makes me feel better, it helps me think, and sadly it puts me in the mood. I know this is wierd and hard to talk about it. You say I always complain about the samething. I have the same problems with her. And thinking about it; she is right. I do say the samething and I thought it was her. I was wrong on that too. Its more so us. To elaborate it seems that we do not have chemistry. As time passed, chemistry has fallen. It scares me to realize "maybe we are not meant for each other" I seem to stress her out instead of motivating her, my words of inspiration are more so words of hurt. Plus she always acknowledge our different view points. More and more things point to us not lasting much longer. She is a great girlfriend and maybe she deserves someone who wouldnt stress her out like I do. Although she claims no one is interested in her, I believe they would be if she opens up.The thought of long term relationship is starting to burn slowly. I know women says everything changes in marriage, but in looking at everyones marriage it dont. It gets worse, times gets shortened, and more arguments insue. Chemistry is important, and right now (not sure about the future) we are on two different wavelegnths. Maybe i should keep my mouth close, my thoughts locked, and my ears and eyes open in the future. Thats how closed I feel with us right now.
support, loyality, and cookie..........
support, loyality, and cookie..........
Monday, February 23, 2009
Some thoughts
My dad was telling me about how people are, " They dont like to see you ahead of them. Many will try to give you bad advice and deter you from your goal." So many examples of that I have to tell him about later on in life. How right he was. I hear grunts about my girlfriend. "Kerry why did you get back with her?" LoL. Cant I just get I am happy for you! More so I get and umph. When I tell them they look at me like "yeah if you say so."Although on this time around I am not as open as I once was. I wonder what she think of these past six months sometimes? I wonder if she even trust me? And why? I seen so many people who are not as trusting in there relationship. I mean after what happened between us, how can she be trusting of me? I seen girls who say there interested and then wander away with other interest. It happen twice to me before. As they wandered, I also started to wander. Happened thanksgiving, Februrary 6th, and October 24th, and in June. Life is crazy. In a way im just waiting for a guy to wow her and steal her away. But if I am lucky to keeper her I would. Would I be hurt........no. I would be happy for her and the time we shared. Good or bad. Doyin ask me why i keep certain pictures. This is why... memories. Still why i keep pics of Arteria in my phone, and Rachelle and Arielle at home. So I hope are path interwine, but if not GOD has her way.
On a random note, i was day dreaming today and I thought about parallel deminsions. Weird.... For example.... if i went to school at home, or if i was married by 19. I think about if decision wernt made, or I decided to do the oppisite of what I did. Let me give you a few senerios. 1) If i didnt hear Bri at the beauty shop. Well maybe she would have another nice boyfriend, or stuck at the scholarship house. The circle would have been open, and maybe it wouldnt be so much friction between the scholarship house. Would Ak psi been in the picture? When she was down maybe she would have develop another close friend during the process. Me on the other hand probally would have been chillin with Victoria alot, or maybe things would have been different between me and Leutrell after that talk we had. Probally would be blocked on by Dani still. LOL. 2) If I would have stayed at Howard? Would I have been happy? I probally wouldnt even have a car because D C is hell to find parking. Would I even have a gf. Would me Lauren became good friends and maybe even visit (since she is from Houston!) Me and Ron would been friends or maybe me and Orlando neighbor (Lenore) would have been cool. (Even though that cut balls had to go away. Probally would see my Auntie more often and my cousin and Farfax. Probally wouldnt hate Lauderdale peope and polk county men so much, and wouldnt even know what Polk county is. Wouldnt transfer and would party differently. Alot of gogo music and more visit from my parents. I would still live in a dorm since D C rent is riduculous. 3) If i actually lived with any of my gurlfriends. Well go in order. Man if Rachelle would have been down hurr-- might not have been pertty. Everytime she got mad at me she would wander to another dude for a man. Tallahassee is too small for that. Also arguements-- two Aries in an arguement never ends well, and in most cases it wouldnt. Me and Bri moved in.... Her and Tiff wouldnt be as close and that would have been bad. Feel Tiff is the closes thing to family for Bri. If we end up breaking up would we have become friends? Man-- if the Teria path was taken how would that have worked. Ironically I think they would have bcame friends. Say that path wouldnt have been taken. Would she had a bf-- in which i would have been cool with. Would our parents been cool with that. Would we have end up like Mike and Tera. Now Arteria on the other hand would have been to live with-- the only person (besides dani) who punches me in my sleep. Would have been a pizza face. Omg a very emotional person when she is on her period who does not like to be alone. Probally would have had alot of home cooked meals and cheesecake. Maybe would have heard less about Doyin since they always get into it, and would have hung out with Jeremy more. Just some thoughts about different directions i could have taken, but this is the chosen path. Got to live with it. (More to come in the future)
On a random note, i was day dreaming today and I thought about parallel deminsions. Weird.... For example.... if i went to school at home, or if i was married by 19. I think about if decision wernt made, or I decided to do the oppisite of what I did. Let me give you a few senerios. 1) If i didnt hear Bri at the beauty shop. Well maybe she would have another nice boyfriend, or stuck at the scholarship house. The circle would have been open, and maybe it wouldnt be so much friction between the scholarship house. Would Ak psi been in the picture? When she was down maybe she would have develop another close friend during the process. Me on the other hand probally would have been chillin with Victoria alot, or maybe things would have been different between me and Leutrell after that talk we had. Probally would be blocked on by Dani still. LOL. 2) If I would have stayed at Howard? Would I have been happy? I probally wouldnt even have a car because D C is hell to find parking. Would I even have a gf. Would me Lauren became good friends and maybe even visit (since she is from Houston!) Me and Ron would been friends or maybe me and Orlando neighbor (Lenore) would have been cool. (Even though that cut balls had to go away. Probally would see my Auntie more often and my cousin and Farfax. Probally wouldnt hate Lauderdale peope and polk county men so much, and wouldnt even know what Polk county is. Wouldnt transfer and would party differently. Alot of gogo music and more visit from my parents. I would still live in a dorm since D C rent is riduculous. 3) If i actually lived with any of my gurlfriends. Well go in order. Man if Rachelle would have been down hurr-- might not have been pertty. Everytime she got mad at me she would wander to another dude for a man. Tallahassee is too small for that. Also arguements-- two Aries in an arguement never ends well, and in most cases it wouldnt. Me and Bri moved in.... Her and Tiff wouldnt be as close and that would have been bad. Feel Tiff is the closes thing to family for Bri. If we end up breaking up would we have become friends? Man-- if the Teria path was taken how would that have worked. Ironically I think they would have bcame friends. Say that path wouldnt have been taken. Would she had a bf-- in which i would have been cool with. Would our parents been cool with that. Would we have end up like Mike and Tera. Now Arteria on the other hand would have been to live with-- the only person (besides dani) who punches me in my sleep. Would have been a pizza face. Omg a very emotional person when she is on her period who does not like to be alone. Probally would have had alot of home cooked meals and cheesecake. Maybe would have heard less about Doyin since they always get into it, and would have hung out with Jeremy more. Just some thoughts about different directions i could have taken, but this is the chosen path. Got to live with it. (More to come in the future)
Was it really me?
A friend of mine told me today that " I cant really open up to you anymore." I can imagine why? Time and time again i find myself on people's "shit list." When i do help.... I end up messing it up. When I dont help, I end up not being called a true friend. I mean what could I say to that person, but I'm sorry. (even though I didnt think it was my fault). It's not often that I am the direct cause of situations (although i have a couple times, and apolgize to those whom I affected). I feel used; a stepping stone for the cause of problems they created on their on. Closing my words to a chosen few. The rest can only read what I think through my facial expressions. If only people listen to me as I try to listen to them. For choosing all of the above-- i lost my friends. But one thing I questioned was my integrity. They have questioned it; should I? I admit, I make mistakes all humans do; but I know most of time I make my decison based on what I think is right. To have former friends question if I am triffling as they say I am is realistic. To look back and see, hear, and sometimes even cry over some decisons, situations I been through over the last year has made me stronger. People are always going to critique your personality and characteristics, but people who love will always critique you for the better and not for their personal gain. Therefore I will keep my love ones close.
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