The ghost of her past

Things a different these days. The group has became larger, im stressing more, and making more sacrafice. On the other hand I have had some memorable moments. I was able to to see two beautiful things this week that i normally would not see. When that happens it always allow me to think about my life. I realize that I am on the downfall. I compare this events to the ides of March when Julius Ceasar was warned about the future. He did not listen. I usually take my dreams seriously but this time I was told not to worry about it. Mistake. Now i lost my happiness, and she slows starts to forget about me. My second dream came true yesterday, and now im waiting for that final dream to come true. The only thing about these dreams is that i can do nothing about it. I only can watch like a helpless spectator. Just a thought..... maybe Brianna is right. Words may not say it. And this time its not actions. Its just her adiditude towards this who idea. It makes me wonder. She always says its her fault and she needs to work on somethings, but nothing gets worked on. Newsflash says maybe its MYSELF to blame for whats going on here. I need to better myself to make gurls even think im worth there time. Damn i sound desperate! I was always told to be myself, and don't change who you are. LOL FUCK THAT! That idea don't work in 2008, at least not for women in Tallahassee. It is a lost art for women just like chilvery for men. I feel my heart is going colder and colder. Everytime i try, I do something wrong. I FAIL. Effort is not enough. Sometimes sacrafice is not even either. Words action and thoughts cannot dictated fate. I find myself looking and her profiles and realize I am just a ghost! So as hard it is not to call or text her . August 13, 2008 was my last time talking to her (besides her birthday). Deep down inside i do beleive she is past me and the famous response is "if thats how you feel" She has showed me nothing else or told me nothing else to let me know what is up. Sigh.